omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
