i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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