We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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