is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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