I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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