I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
