You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
