Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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