Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
the night ended with taco bell and tears
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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