And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
