I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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