This dress was meant to end up on your floor
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Randomize
