They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
