sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
