you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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