ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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