Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Randomize
