Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
