just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
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