NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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