Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
