just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
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sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
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Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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