would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
