hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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