I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
