He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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