dude i'm inner monologue high
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
