he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
