He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
