You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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