things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
