Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
