She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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