i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
