I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I just had sex on a roof
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize