My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
