my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
