There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
