Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
