my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
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