No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
