So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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