i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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