Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
