You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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