So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
