you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
