The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You took a bar mat shot.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize