So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
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What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
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Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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