I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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