Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(331): View more from Illinois

You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.

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(440): View more from Ohio

One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.

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(310): View more from California

I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.

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(360): View more from Washington

My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.

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(773): View more from Illinois

Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�

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(407): View more from Florida

You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before

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(860): View more from Connecticut

I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...

(203): View more from Connecticut

LMAO

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(518): View more from New York

Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire

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