Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
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this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
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It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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