i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
