She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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