You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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