What did we do last night that was yellow?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I AM VODKA MAN
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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