youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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