That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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