he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
