Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
