Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize