If that was your dad, he is hot
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
